6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
