70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
