you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
