i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
