So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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