chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
