My sheets look like a crime scene.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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