He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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