Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
