Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
