Its about making memories worth repressing
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
