just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
