What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
