my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
