I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he fucked my hip out of place.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
