omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
