I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
