So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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