You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
