Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
