It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
