I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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