Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
