FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
