ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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