My liver just broke up with me...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
