By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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