I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just want to make out with him forever
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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