tell your sister to shave her snatch
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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