that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
