since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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