Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Randomize
