just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
