I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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