I've blown a few things in my day
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
