One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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