You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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