Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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