Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
