Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
