i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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