chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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