Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
