having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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