I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
