so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
