My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
