What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
