two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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