Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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