Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
