Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
